Ever since I started having anxiety, I also started being extremely paranoid. I fear a lot and it definitely has changed my life. I am always aware of my surroundings, and typically expect the worst out of any situation. This could be when I am out walking, or a conversation that I have with someone… it really is just with most aspects of my life.
There are very few places where I feel “safe”. Now, I don’t mean safe like I feel like I am in danger all of the time. I mean that I can fully relax without the fear of anxiety, stress, or depression creeping in. One person in my life in particular makes me feel safe the second that I am in their presence. I feel at home, relaxed, and feel like I can breathe without the pain of the world hitting me. My mind is able to relax and I revert back to the life I used to have before the anxiety started. The only other place where I have felt this way, is at a concert… of music that I am actually interested in.
I have really tried to not be so paranoid, but it typically just doesn’t happen for me. I try a lot to be positive, happy, and calm… but life is life and you can’t always get rid of how you are feeling that easily. I just try to work through it and explain to myself why the current situation I am feeling paranoid about is really not that bad, and likely won’t be disastrous… because let’s be real here… it rarely ever is as bad as you think it may get or is.
I wouldn’t say that being paranoid or fearing things is always necessarily a bad thing. It can be helpful in some situations. For instance, if you meet someone and you just don’t have a great feeling about them, so you step away and don’t look back… and then they turn out to be a perfect example of why you had a bad feeling about them in the first place? Yeah, your intuition can really save your butt from situations that you just don’t want to be in, or are super uncomfortable with. However, it is not always great to carry with you all of the time. It is a really draining thing to experience. Always thinking about the worst, or thinking of exit strategies? Ugh! I am mentally prepared for a lot pretty much all of the time. I am exhausted from it! Until I started this blog post, I really didn’t realize how bad it was, which is definitely something I need to be more conscious of and work on because who wants to live like that!? Absolutely NOT me anymore. I’ll get there though, things just take time!
Always do your best to feel safe. Feeling “free” from your anxiety or stressors is an amazing feeling.