I often find myself sabotaging my own happiness. I have recently been trying to do more for myself- things that make me happy, but it is HARD. Each day, I try to find something positive that happened. I also try to stay in a more positive mind frame because I felt like I was becoming too negative in my normal day-to-day life. Let me tell you- easier said than done!!
The things I have done to sabotage my own happiness include: holding onto childhood memories… good and bad, blaming myself for everything, comparing myself to everyone and everything, having low self-esteem, and allowing my past to define my present and future. I hold on to the extreme emotions of my past and relate them to my present life. If something made me extremely happy as a kid, then I will expect the same feeling when I do that now, but if something made me upset or unhappy, then I stay away from it as an adult now. I am so so so incredibly hard on myself and where my life is currently at because it is not what, or where I imagined to be at this point in my life. Yes, I have a great job, fantastic friends and family members in my life, but I still imagined myself living elsewhere, having a different job, and some other changes that havent happened in my life.
Other things that I tend to do to ruin my happiness: I run when I feel like I am getting too close to someone, I have a lack of trust with people no matter how close I am with them, I get stuck in old habits, I have a hard time letting anyone significant in my life go- no matter how toxic (this I have gotten so much better at), I hold on to negative emotions, and I overthink WAY too much. Overthinking is such a problem for me. I have been trying to distract myself with music, hanging out with friends, or exercising recently to help my brain to focus on something else. I will have conversations in my head that I think will happen in the near future, I constantly replay conversations or events that happened that made me feel crappy, or even ones that made me feel happy. I don’t see anything wrong with replaying happy times, but the negative ones- ugh, it really takes it out of you. I constantly ask myself- why can’t I just be happy and think positive all of the time? Well… because I am human. I may eventually be capable of this, but for now it is a work in progress and I am not even partly there yet.
I have had a pretty rough past. Now, I am not comparing this to anyone elses life, so I am just saying that for me, some really unfortunate things have happened that I know should never happen to anyone. Because of this, I have a VERY hard time trusting people, trusting situations, and giving chances. This is not the way to live, so I am trying (doesn’t always work) to trust more and give chances because no one, and not everything is perfect. Including me. This being said, I am grateful for the things that have happened in my past because I was able to learn a lot from it, but what is really important to me is how strong I learned I was from having to go through it, and some things I had to go through alone. That was the choice I made in the moment some things happened- to go through it alone. For this, I realized how strong I was and could be in the future when life didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I had to stop being the victim and take control- just because something in my past went wrong or failed, does not mean that I will continue to fail always.
It has been really important to me lately to really see my life for what it is- good. I know that I will get to where I want eventually, and it is SO important for me and everyone else to realize that life typically does not work out how you plan it to, so you just need to live day by day. If you want to make a change, start small towards your goals and put in the effort. Eventually they will become a reality if you work hard enough. Slowly, I (and anyone) can and will get to where they want to be in their life. Small steps have been important for me. I like to think of something and jump right into it with an instant change: getting fit, saving money, making money, paying off student loans, redecorating, etc. Well… let me tell you from personal experience… if you are constantly aware of your goals, and make a conscious effort to change something, then it will happen. Eventually is the key word. Most things can’t change in an instant.
I need to stop living in the past and just learn to embrace my present life and future. Accepting life as it is (including what has happened in the past) will help me… slowly… to learn how to live with a more positive attitude. No one can force you to feel something. Whatever you are feeling is because you are allowing yourself to feel that way. Don’t let someone or something take away your happiness.
If you are an in the moment person like me, try not to react right away. Give it some serious thought: if your negative feelings/ thoughts are valid and worth the trouble.
Prioritize your happiness.
You are in control of your own feelings.